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I never thought today would come. Nick and I broke up and it's been the hardest thing in my life. He was my everything... things started to go down hill after my parents found out about us dating. It's been so hard and him and he was becoming so depressed because we wern't able to see eachother without my parents or anyone else knowing. It's not like we both wanted to lie to our parents but we had so much love for eachother that we wanted to see eachother not matter what. I want him more than anything right now. But he doesn't want to continue things because he thinks it might be the best thing for us to try to move on. I KNOW that's something we CAN'T do. I can NOT have months go by were we don't see eachother because I'm so afraid that when I am able to see him again that he'll already be moving on. He really didn't want to break things off... but he doesn't want to get into leagle trouble - because he'll be turning 18 soon and if my parents still thought we weren't dating and somehow found out, he would be in so much trouble... and believe me, i don't want him to be in more trouble than he already is.

God, I love him. Why can't you see that? Why are you putting us through this? I've been praying so much that you wouldn't take him away from me and I feel like I've been soo betrayed. I know I've had to lie to my parents but I'm so inlove. INLOVE! I feel like Nick died. I hate that feeling. I hate it when I talk to him on the phone right now because he seems so far away. I hate crying myself asleep wondering what will happen now. I know these up coming months without him I'm gonna be crying more and more cuz I'm gonna wonder if he's okay. And if he's gonna be alright. If he needs anyone to talk to or if is ever thinking about me. I want him to me and me to him. I don't ever want to be thinking he's gonna be with someone else... or do anything. We've already shared that with eachother and I would be heart broken if he gave that away to someone else... You don't understand how much pain and hurt I am in to have to lose the one I can't ever let go of.

I literally want to die. I do. I can't do this witout him. I need him more than anything. He's was my life!!! He was my prince charming. He was my spirit, my helping hand.

FYI - THAT'S MY SCHOOL PICTURE... LATE. VERY LATE. BE JEALOUS OKAY?

ANYWAY... I'M SO GLAD WE'RE NOT FIGHTING ANYMORE... I SURE DID MISS YOU BOY! AND WOW... THAT'S WHEN I NEEDED YOU THE MOST.

hollister=love = nick might work there! = free clothes!!!

I don't think Eagle Ridge misses me. I'm begining to think I was one of those people I would talk about that caused all the drama and everyone was thankful for them leaving.

AHHH! If you're gonna call me, then talk to me kid! Jeeze! And it drives me insane when people are talking to you on the phone and say: "Hey, can you hold on? - Someone else is trying to call me." NOOO! YOU CALLED ME, SO TALK TO ME! IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO THEM - YOU'LL CALL THEM BACK WHEN WE'RE DONE TALKING. AND IF WHOEVER ELSE IS CALLING, THEY CAN WAIT WHEN YOU'RE READY! It's not like you get to see or talk to me half as much as you do with you're other friends. Jesus NICK!

... Sometimes I feel like we're not even in a relationship.

^ my Hunnukah must have!!! only $25.00... can't wait.

PS: I have the Pink ones, and they are amazing! $28.50!! SO CUTE TOO! I LOVE THEM TO DEATH!

I'm out. later.

THINGS ARE GREAT!!! I'M LOVING LIFE. I I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY HAPPY. CONSIDERING...